Suicide is a terrible thing to deal with, for all parties and bystanders. But blaming anyone but the prime actor in a suicide is unjustifiable in virtually every case. We can’t know what drove Vince to it.
I posted this on DeadNet Central just now, and since I’m trying to keep all my thoughts on this matter collected in one place, I’m copying it over here.
I was responding to a post by Joe Jupille.
The really good histories and accounts of all of this are and will be the ones that try to reconcile the darkness and the light that seemed inextricably bound up in the whole thing.
Absolutely, Joe.
Look, this situation is way more complicated than any of us can know. It’s cheap and facile to read nothing but callousness into the way Vince was treated after the demise of the band. It’s not necessarily the wrong way to bet, but I can assure you the truth still lies somewhere in between.
I got to know Vince pretty well after his Dead days. We played a lot of gigs together in various places and configurations. I hung out with him, rehearsed with him, traveled with him, got high with him, sang with him, and performed with him. Vince was sweet, kind, talented, crazy, self-absorbed, obsessed, and a long list of other adjectives – full of contradictions and conflicting impulses, just like the rest of the human universe. He had two completely insane rock’n’roll lifetimes, similar in some ways but also very different; before he joined the Dead he and Lori were flat broke and ready to move to Mexico. Imagine going from zilch to a million dollars a year (literally).
And imagine stepping into a profoundly dysfunctional “family” in which the patriarch is a bizarre combination of Santa Claus, Jesus Christ and Howard Hughes, depending on where you’re standing on what day. Where the roadies have more power than the musicians, and where the fans have an even greater sense of ownership than the most rabid sports fans, and stronger opinions, too.
I’ve always felt that Vince’s unalloyed joy at his good fortune made his bandmates uncomfortable after Jerry’s passing, because everyone else in that scene was so deeply conflicted about their role in Jerry’s demise. This is, of course, “coffee-table psychoanalysis at its cheapest” (Jerry’s wonderful phrase), but still.
Nobody’s entirely clean in this story, but nor is anyone entirely to blame. Go ahead and use this as an excuse to boycott what’s left of the Grateful Dead music scene if it makes you feel better, but there’s no high principle in operation: every shitty thing you think you’re seeing now has been happening for years and years, and it didn’t stop you from enjoying the music back then.
David, thanks for posting your thoughts and memories of Vince. I was saddened, though not entirely shocked, when I read of Vince’s passing in the Sunday newspapers. One article also mentioned the recent losses of Ram Rod and Hamza el-Din, reminding us of the family aspect in all of the this.
I only got to see the Dead live during the Vince era, but enjoy every decade of the band’s musical legacy in the recordings we have and that you share with us on the air. I think Vince always tried to bring a new energy into the band with his songs and keyboard style that he cultivated through many past successes.
Whether his efforts were welcomed warmly or not, he never stopped trying to do something new and always gave it his best shot. I will look forward to your tribute to the man next week…
-DP
Very well said, David. I don’t blog and stopped posting on the various band and fan message boards years ago, mostly because I just couldn’t deal with the myopic negativity that seemed to become more and more pervasive the farther away we got from August 1995. And I resisted posting this week, as was reading horrible accusations being made against people whose only misdeeds were being human. But I want to commend you for maintaining a level head and explaining the reality of the world Vince was thrust into in 1990, while pointing out that – at the end of the day – each of us is the only one responsible for our own actions.
JB
Well said, David.
It is not with the band or what transpired after 1995 or even since Vince’s demise but with the fans that I have come to loose faith in. After years of reading messages on the related boards, I think I finally decided that it was time for me to jump off the bus. I’ll always love the music and I will enjoy the memories but I can’t help but believe that the new genoration of fans have moved too far from the phenomenon that was at the heart of the Grateful Dead experience and I don’t think we will ever be there again.
I hear you, Swampo. It’s hard to read some of the ugly shit that gets tossed around every time there’s some new upheaval in this rapidly-entropizing alternate universe of ours.
Nicely said D Gans. And might I add, I have d/l a number of your shows and enjoy them emencely. I wrote this on the Ratdog.org message board after reading what Barlow had to say. It got me thinkin’ about all the bad rap and criticism Vince would get in them later years and especially after Jerry pasted. The subject read: We Love You Vince! Show Your Respect Here:
This is a thread to show the LOVE we as deadheads have for the main man- Vince Welnick. May he rest in peace. Please think about this- USE YOUR BRAIN- and think about this. Vince was the man who carried the torch for the last years of the Dead. If it wasn’t for him, I would not have seen over 100 shows from ’91-’95. I was a freshman in HS when the Dead played Tinley Park in ’90 and since I never experienced a show before- when I found out tickets were sold out I said- “There’s always next year.” After that Brent past. Sad. Soldier’s ’91 rolls around. I got my tix before they sold out- waiting in line at Tower Records for an hour the day they went on sale. I got to the show and couldn’t believe my eyes. I said, “THIS IS HOW IT IS!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!” I’ll never forget the show opener – Bucket- that night. I went on tour after that. And there was Vince- rockin’ with my boys. With his great harmonies and great keys. Vince was with me for all my tours- winter, spring, summer, and fall- all they had to do was call and I’d be there- I made friends. I made life changes. I was opened up to a world of music. I learned how to improvise. I tribute everything I do to my years on tour with the Boys. There is a splash of magic on every step I make and in every breath I take that came from the Magical Grateful Dead. Fare Thee Well Vince, I love you more than words can tell- when you brought my favorite Beatles song to the repitoire- It’s All To Much- man.. I am speechless. You came at a time when the scene was getting out of hand but the love was still there in the strangest of places when you looked at it right. You diserve much more respect than what you where given- the kids were too young. and Those who are dissin’ you now- they don’t know whats up. They aren’t Family. Those of you who are true family- you know who you are- know what’s up- because deep down the Grateful Dead defined the meaning of unconditional love to you. And that’s what it is all about…. I’m out yo. peace to my peeps- Jules, Homeboy, and our crew. gRock Rockin’ it to another level- Forever Family-Forever Grateful